Children are a joy, a blessing, and sometimes the cause for hair loss. After having children our time with friends and even our spouses are sacrificed. Our patience is always tested. Above all else, our love for personal activities and hobbies diminish as the time just isn't there to even make it worth while to try starting on something. We claim that the children bring us joy and happiness. However, if we dig deeper and ask our souls, there is a part of us that may be crying. That part is our personal happiness. Personal happiness is different than the family happiness. Personal happiness is rejuvenated by the personal time we spend on activities and hobbies for ourselves. We miss the social life, we miss the hobbies and we miss portions of our past lives. After giving up time between work and family, the only time left is to sleep. "Oh we'll get all that back when they get older..." Yeah right.
Unlike the work place, our children will always be our children and we can never change that. The coin analogy simply doesn't work out in this scenario. We offset some of our sacrifices with little assistants, such as babysitters, grandparents, daycare, summer camps, and eventually school (although, school adds a whole new level of sacrifices when our kids start to do sports or extra curricular activities). Even with the help of assistants we struggle to find the time and sometimes the willingness to let go of our children to enjoy some personal time. It is important to rejuvenate ourselves for the sacrifices we make to our children the next day. How do we get that rejuvenation?
Sometimes, you just can't get any personal rejuvenation. Our society is filled with single mothers or fathers. Even with their little assistants, they may be busy working two or even three shifts. Wasting time taking children back and forth between grandparents or even their ex. It becomes a constant cycle of being worn down, frustrated, and maybe even lonely. Unfortunately, that rejuvenation time becomes one thing. Time with the kids. They need us, and it's merely as simple as our presence rather than the things we do with them. It's a complete transition of the mind. Sometimes it's like reverting back to being a kid and playing with friends. That's a fine line too, because we still need to maintain that parental role of discipline, teaching, and love. If playing with the kids is too much after a long day at work, remember that it's simply about being present. They just want attention from mommy or daddy. Relax, watch, laugh, and enjoy the time.
Mostly, we need distractions from the every day life. Work, school, training, driving to and from daily places, shopping are all little stresses that build up and wear us down. Coming home to kids just adds to the list. Or, does it. Kids are unpredictable, to a degree. They're constantly growing and changing. Kids are the distractions we need to our everyday lives. Rather than dwelling on the stresses of what to cook for them, getting them dressed and out the door, or other daily routines we need to focus on what today's unexpected surprises will be. "What fun, exciting things are WE going to do today?" The sacrifice you're giving up is EVERYTHING. Kids make us different people and if you dwell on the past you'll never enjoy the future YOU.
You are still allowed to do the same things you used to do. They may be far and few frequent. It's all about the mindset. Let go of the YOU and think about the US, and the WE, and the let's do it TOGETHER. Until they're fully self-sufficient and on their own, your kids are your rejuvenating distractions you need in your life. It's a struggle for sure, and it's hard at first. There will still be moments of crying even if you master transitioning to this new mindset. However, you won't be crying alone.
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